Green Metal Hair

…probably get hot in the sun

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A Short Lecture

Children Or Pets?

It has come to my attention that in recent years, many young people are opting to adopt pets rather than have children. Now, you can do both, and many people do. Just try to keep things straight when naming them, because while being named Bob or Sally is no big deal to a dog or cat, being named Spot or Rags can cause children no end of trouble. You should also be careful not to let your mind wander when feeding time comes around, because children pitch a terrible fit if you give them a plate full of dog food. I thought I’d never hear the end of that.

Getting back to our topic, because that’s what they pay me to do around here, I think there are pros and cons to both sides of the pet/child argument. And please, don’t think I meant pet child. Children make terrible pets.

On the one hand, let’s say the left one, pets have many advantages over children. First off, they love you no matter what you do. If you decide to serve liver for dinner, not only will your dog or cat not whine about it, they’ll happily join you.

Secondly, pets are much less expensive to maintain than children. They don’t wear clothing, as a rule, and they are much less expensive to feed compared to, say, a teenage boy. Why, you’d have to have a few starving wolves or lions to equal the food bill of an average teenage boy! Comparatively, a couple of cats will be money in the bank come dinner time.

Third, while conceiving a child may be more fun than adopting a pet, you don’t have to wait 9 months for the pet to get here. If you are a woman, I should think adopting a puppy or kitty beats 9 months of pregnancy hands down. Additionally, the vaccinating of pets is much cheaper. We won’t even get into the value of spaying or neutering, two things that are right out where children are concerned.

The advantages of children are that they can carry on your family name, give you grand children, and take care of you you in your old age. Unless you just choose to change your family name to something common, visit orphans or something in place of grandchildren, and use all the money you save by not having children to take care of yourself in your old age. And while you’re at it, you can adopt a few more pets.

I don’t know about you, but I’m rather coming around to this idea of pets instead of children.

Good day.