…he went looking for…ADVENTURE!
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A Short Lecture
What To Do About Halloween
To start with, let me be clear that this lecture is not about having Halloween. I know that some people think there should be no Halloween. But they are, to use a technical term my children taught me, poopheads.
No, I’m here to talk about how we will have Halloween while in the middle of a pandemic. We don’t want to risk the lives of children, although the lives of certain politicians are up for debate. How will we have Halloween this year?
One idea is to have children stay a safe distance back from your door and deliver candy to them via some sort of gadget. One idea is a tube that the candy just slides down, then drops into their bag. Thus seems like a fine idea that can be done cheaply. You could even try tossing is to them, but your arm would certainly get tired, especially if you live in an area that gets lots of trick or treaters.
I cannot, in good conscience, recommend using a trebuchet or a catapult to dispense candy. My uncle tried that one year at Christmas to hand out presents and things did not go well at all. My brother is still not fully recovered from taking a direct hit with an instantpot.
I read about one fellow who is trying to train his dogs to deliver the candy. Only a person who has never owned a dog would think that this is a good idea. Dogs are not stupid and if you put a bag of gummy bears in their mouth, they will eat them, probably along with the bag. Then you’ll have upset children and a constipated dog to deal with. There is no upside to that.
Even if you do find a workable candy delivery system, you must deal with wearing some sort of anti-disease costume. We know that masks and gloves protect us, but do we wear them under our costume or outside of it? It seems to me that doing the former would make it harder for others to know if you were a decent person or some anti-mask nitwit, while doing the latter would tend to make everyone look somewhat the same. And really, how scary are Count Dracula or the Wolfman if they are wearing a mask?
Finally, a popular idea is to just dress up and stay home with a big bowl of candy and some horror movies. I think this is the idea my family will adopt, especially if my own candy bowl has a few bottles of Guinness among the candy bars.
Good day.
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