…maybe, maybe not
The Doclopedia #2,582
Old Posts, Annotated: The Undead
Notations are italicized.
Ragnar, The Ultimate Skeleton
Ragnar was the most feared of all the Howling Horde. (And that’s saying something, because that whole horde is big and batshit crazy.) He stood 7’3″ tall, was as strong as any 3 normal men and feared absolutely nothing. (Not entirely true. He did have a mild fear of soft cheeses.) Unfortunately, at the tender age of 28, his wife poisoned him so she could then marry his brother. (And because he was not all that great in the sack.)
Despite dying, Ragnar still had a future. Before his body could be burned, his old friend Feorn the Mage stole it and began a reanimation ceremony. (This was done after hauling ass away from the Hordelands for 3 days.) The ceremony took a bit longer than Feorn had originally planned, by about 3 years. (Feorn was not a great planner.) You see, some of the necessary ingredients were a bit hard to find. The testicles of a Great Troll were especially difficult to acquire. (Ya think?)
By the time Feorn got down to the real nitty gritty of the reanimation, rats and maggots had pretty much stripped all the flesh off of Ragnar’s bones. (Tfeorn apparently had never heard of putting things on ice to reduce spoilage.) Still, once the ceremony was done, the skeleton was up and about and had Ragnar’s spirit bound to it.
But Feorn wasn’t done yet, no sir. He cast a few more spells and turned the bone into stone, gave Ragnar a high resistance to magic, slapped an aura of fear on him and then hasted the whole deal so Ragnar is faster than any normal skeleton. (Reminds me of people who keep adding more power to their cars.) And then Ragnar was promptly bound by a spell to protect Feorn’s castle. (Feorn was kind of a dick.)
It would seem that Feorn had it all figured out…except for the part about leaving Ragnar with intelligence. (Oopsie!) Being able to think meant that Ragnar knew he was stuck in the castle forever. (Or at least until it crumbles to ruin.) It also meant he could figure out that, although he was bound to protect the castle, he wasn’t bound to protect Feorn. (This will not end well for Feorn.) So, if you go to kill the Wizard and take his stuff, Ragnar won’t do much to stop you. Fuck around with the castle, though, and he’ll turn you into a smear on the castle floor.
Feorn is completely unaware of this potentially fatal flaw in his plan. (Pretty sure his last thought will be “I’m a fucking idiot!”)
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