…about 50 pounds of it
The Doclopedia #2,586
Old Posts, Annotated: It’s In The Bag!
Notations are italicized
The Brown Paper Bag
“Now listen, Eddie, cos this is real simple. (It’s never real simple.) You an’ Tony are gonna get in his car and drive out to Long Island to the address I give you. When you get there, you give this Dr. Sindawal guy the bag and he gives you a briefcase full of money. (What size of a briefcase?) Then you come back here, give me the case, we all go in and hand it over to Big Sammy (Who is, in fact, only 5’9” tall, and not fat.) and he gives each of us two grand, bada bing. Simple shit, right? OK!”
“Now, there’s a couple of things I’ve gotta tell ya here. (There’s always a catch.) Do not open the fuckin’ bag, no matter what. I don’t give a fuck if your fuckin’ legs are on fire, you don’t open the bag. (Really, how often do your legs catch fire?) You got that? Good. Now, you also gotta keep it away from water, so no drinkin’ anything on the ride over, cos every fuckin’ thing we drink has water in it. Yeah, Tony, ya fuckin’ mook, that includes milk! (Tony is another brain donor.) Jesus! On the way back, you can drink each others piss (Note: Kids, do not drink each other’s piss.) for all I care, but on the way over, no drinkin’!”
“Finally, and this is important like you can’t believe: If what is in that bag starts movin’ around, throw the bag out the window and drive as fast as you can back here. (And, I suppose, avoid heavy traffic.) I swear, Big Sammy will not blame you, but ya gotta get back here and tell us fast because…well, never you mind why, but get back here fast, ok? (Is it me, or does that sound ominous?) Naw, don’t worry, nothing is gonna happen. That was just like, precautions in case of a very unlikely event. You guys’ll be alright. (Narrator Voice: They were NOT alright.) When ya get back, we’ll go over to the High Bar for a few drinks. Now get outta here and drive careful, ok?”
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