…for starters, NEVER piss it off
The Doclopedia #250
Altered (United) States: Minnesota “Land Of Giants”
To: Lord Bradford Millington
From: Lt. Theodore Roosevelt
Subject: Report on the investigation of Giants in Minnesota
My Lord,
Please forgive the lateness of this report, as we have been under some duress these past weeks. The number of Giants was greatly understated by our advanced scouts and, as these creatures are very hostile to humans, we have been constantly on the move.
The Giants are all between the height of 28 and 36 feet, with the rare individual being up to 40 feet tall. They are in all other ways quite human appearing. It would seem that their clothing, at least that which they were wearing when the Snow Wizard botched his spell, enlarged with them. The same cannot be said for their homes or any other belongings. Their crops are larger than normal, but not of a proportionate size to themselves. However, Sage Sanders thinks that these crops will continue to enlarge every year since they are fertilized with the manure of cattle, horses, etc.
Related to which, I must also report that their dogs, cats and livestock do seem to have enlarged in a proportionate manner. Two of my scouts barely escaped from a beagle the size of a horse and just yesterday we finally finished eating a young chicken half again as big as an ostrich. Cats, which now are at least the size of tigers, are by far the most dangerous creatures and we have killed several. We have sent many samples from the various Giant creatures back with this report.
As stated before, the Giants seem to hate humans and attack us on sight. Fortunately, they lose interest in the chase if they lose sight of us. They speak a strange language that sounds somewhat like Swedish, but Sage Hallstrom cannot decipher it.
We can also report that the Giants seem unwilling or unable to cross the borders of the state. We have twice been chased across the Minnesota/Wisconsin border and both times the Giants stopped at the edge and threw debris at us, but did not venture any closer. Nor do Giant creatures seem inclined to cross the border, as one group of Giants had a pair of hounds with them and they stayed alongside their masters.
At the present time, I suggest that the Queen forbid entry into Minnesota, but not worry about the Giants moving into other areas. The present military levels in all bordering states seems adequate should any Giant creature come across.
Our next foray into the state will be to find out if the Snow Wizard did indeed destroy himself and his castle when his spell went awry. I will personally be leading three soldiers and Sage Sanders on this three week journey. Fortunately, the Snow Wizard lived in a remote area of the forest well away from human habitation. I shall report our findings to you with all possible speed.
We will continue our mission here until you indicate otherwise. I have attached a list of supplies and equipment we need, as well as requests for 3 more Sages and a dozen more troops to replace those we have lost.
For Queen and Country,
Theodore Roosevelt, Lt., U.S. Army
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