…no, not really
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The Doclopedia #1,556
Not What I Expected: The Love Potion
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What the hell, man? You told me this was a love potion. You said it would make me the man of Cheryl’s dreams and she’d fall in love with me. But look at me! I’m 6′ 6” tall, white, blonde haired and blue eyed! I was 5′ 6”, Chinese, balding and chubby! Do I look like a fucking Jeffery Chiang to you? What the fuck will I tell my family and friends?
What? Well, yeah, she fell for me right away. She was all over me like a cheap suit, but that’s not the…huh? Well, yeah, it did exactly what you said it would do, but I wasn’t expecting it to LITERALLY do it.
Antidote? I’ll take it! FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS? You motherfu…aw, shit, okay. Do you know where the closest ATM is?
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The Doclopedia #1,557
Not What I Expected: The Donuts
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Hold the door, Joe! I’m looking for a weapon, goddamn it! Oh shit, oh shit! Did you see them? They had little faces and mouths full of sharp teeth, Joe! They were motherfucking ALIVE! If you hadn’t tripped and spilled that box, those fucking things would be in here right now!
CHEWING THROUGH THE DOOR? Oh, Jesusjesusjesus! I found the shotgun, but we only have 4 shells. Oh shit, they’re almost in! Here, take this 9 iron and beat them as they come through the hole. After you cill a couple, throw open the door and I’ll blast them!
Fuck, man, I’m never again gonna ask a goth chick to tell me where to buy some killer donuts.
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