…co-starring her grandpa Amos
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The Doclopedia #1,558
Not What I Expected: The Mail Order Magic
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So, I ordered this magic trick off the back of one of Ronnie’s comic books. It cost two whole dollars, but I had plenty from babysitting my two little cousins who mostly just slept all night.
Anyway, the trick is called “The Amazing Floating Head” and you get this really creepy little rubber shrunken head and a wand made of some sort of wood. The instructions just tell you to say one word to make it float and one word to make it stop floating. You use the wand to tell it where to go and stuff. I thought there would be strings and stuff to make it float, but it really does float by magic.
So, since my older and younger brother are a couple of assholes, I’ve been making the floating head look in their bedroom windows and float across their room and I even had it chase Doug clear out of the house. It was SO funny! Those two should have been nicer to their only sister.
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The Doclopedia #1,559
Not What I Expected: The New Puppy
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What the hell breed of dog is that, Myrtle? He’s the biggest damned puppy I’ve ever seen. 10 weeks old? Are you shitting me? What sort of puppy weighs 60 pounds at 10 weeks old? Cute? He looks like a bear cub with a long tail!
Look at it eat! That’s 2 pounds of dog food gone in under a minute! That friggin’ dog is gonna eat us into the poor house, Myrtle. When you said you were getting a puppy, I thought you meant one of those little furry breads or maybe a spaniel. I didn’t think you were getting a goddamn hourse in a dog costume! Where the hell did you find this pup?
THREE MILE ISLAND? You mean where the radiation leaked? The old nuke plant? Jesus, Myrtle, that dog could be…Oh no! He’s taking a dump on my shoes!
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