…next up, a novella about long trilogies
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The Doclopedia #1,833
Places I Can’t Go Anymore: The Moon
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I built a rocket and a lunar lander myself, right here in my back yard. I fuel it up with my custom made fuel and I take off to the moon. My mistake, it turns out, was broadcasting everything on all frequencies.
You saw it, everybody saw it. People without televisions heard it on their radios. Everybody knew that Sam Simmons of Elko, Nevada, USA, was heading to the moon with his dog, Oscar. You all loved it.
So I land on the moon, me and Oscar go out and wander around, I pick up soil and rocks and then we head on back. People were glued to their tv or radio watching. After a couple of days, we splashed down in Lake Tahoe and then we were stars. I did about 300 interviews in a week. I went on all the morning shows and Johnny Carson had me and Oscar on “Tonight”.
Then I get a visit from representatives of the US government. They were pretty pissed. See, I had landed on the moon in 1966, way before they planned on doing it. Also, I had funded my whole mission for $800,000.00, while they were spending WAY more than that every year. The American people were asking why NASA was spending so much when an old boy from the Nevada desert got to the moon faster and cheaper. I had embarrassed the hell outta them and they were threatening me with prison time for FAA violations, spying and all sorts of shit.
Until I pointed out that the greater populace would be pretty angry about that and maybe they’d like to just buy my plans and formulas instead.
So I sign a promise not to go to the moon again and they give me 5 million for my plans, I move way up here to eastern Washington state and the USA lands on the moon in February of 1968.
So, what do you think of her? Pretty nice what 5 million bucks will get you, eh? I leave on Thursday and by July 4th of 1975, about 15 months from now, my crew and I will land on Mars. I’ll bring you back some Martian soil.
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