…from the May 1989 issue
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Life On The Magic Bus
Chapter 9, Part 4: Across America At Random
The trip begins
The Scenic Route is taken
8/10/2014
It was 4:55 in the morning and all of the humans & critters involved in the “Great Random Route Trip To GenCon” were standing on the beach looking out at the Pacific Ocean. In 18 minutes, the sun would rise and their first day of travel would begin. About 20 video cameras, both regular and cell phone, were pointed at them. Questions were being asked and answered.
When sunrise was only about 3 minutes off, they walked to their vehicles and stood beside them. Doc, using the loudspeaker on the Bus, said the big sendoff speech.
“Okay, folks, it’s almost time. Drive safely, follow the rules, get plenty of video and still pics, have a ton of fun, and we’ll all see each other at the rendezvous in 8 days! Now get in your rides and let’s do this crazy thing!”
Everyone got ready and a minute later, the sun came up and they were off.
As Doc left the parking lot and prepared to turn onto Highway 1, Grace looked at the map they had been emailed.
“Our destination today is Lakeview, Oregon…”
“Cool, we can just go back down Highway 20 and then up…”
“…via a bunch of twisty mountain roads that start about 30 miles north of here.”
Doc gave a big sigh and turned north. This would really be taking the scenic route, you betcha.
A couple of hours later, the Bus was way out in the boondocks on a narrow 2 lane road that passed a gravel driveway every mile or so. The fact that there was almost no traffic was dampened by the fact that the twists, turns, and hills kept their speed to around 50 miles an hour. This and the fact that they were about to stop for their first proof of route video did not help Doc’s mood.
As they pulled up to an abandoned sawmill, Lucy put a paw on Doc’s leg.
“Come on, Daddy, let’s go have a little fun and take a pee.”
Getting off the bus, Doc and both dogs did indeed relieve themselves. When they were done, Grace started recording them.
“Hi, folks!,” Doc said, “Doc, Lucy, Sasha & Flash here with our first video from somewhere in the Coast Range. As you can see, there is the old closed down sawmill you chose. Judging from the look of it, I’d say it’s been closed at least 40 years. Probably shut down in the ’70s when so much of the California coastal areas up here got federal protection. Anyway, we’ll end the video now. We have a long twisty road to our next stop. Talk to you later!”
This sort of video was done twice more, when they stopped near a bridge for lunch, and when they bought souvenir t-shirts in Willets. They still had a very long way to go, most of it on roads that were more or less like the road they had been on, but with a few more long straight stretches and a few very small towns.
They had just finished posing for pictures at a tiny village called Fish Creek, which oddly had no creek, and therefore no fish, when Sasha asked Doc why he didn’t used the autopilot instead of driving all the time.
“Wait…we have an autopilot? How do you know that?”
“Winker introduced me to the Bus a couple of months before she died, while she was teaching me the basics of quantum mechanics.” The young dog seemed to think that should have been common news.
“Introduced you to the Bus? What the hell?”
What followed was an in depth discussion between father and dog that ended only when Grace pointed out that they were wasting time.
“So,” Doc said as he got in the driver’s seat, “All I need to do is say “Activate Autopilot” and…”?
“Autopilot activated, Doctor.” Said a female voice with a British accent.
Doc’s eyes nearly popped out of his head.
“Is that you, Bus?”
“Yes, it is. I will now follow your assigned route, moving at maximum legal speeds. I’ll make all the assigned stops. You may go relax, Doctor.”
“Umm, okay. But why do you keep calling me Doctor? My nickname is Doc.”
“Because my owner is always the Doctor.”
Doc had no comeback for that, although he made a note to ask her about those 4 Brits he had won her from in that poker game.
Over the next few hours, the Bus traveled along at a near constant 65 miles an hour, despite the roads sometimes being 2 lane gravel affairs. Doc and Lucy kind of dug it, but Grace, Sasha & Flash refused to look out the windows as things went by. Not that the inside of the Bus was affected by the speed or many turns. It’s just that seeing trees fly by when you have no other sensation of movement makes some people woozy.
Including stops for pictures, videos and souvenirs, they still reached the tiny town of Lakeside, Oregon in 10 hours, 36 minutes. Everyone was well rested and ready for dinner, so Doc asked Jeeves to set them up with a dinner of burgers, fries and milkshakes. After dinner, they watched videos from the other Random Travelers, some of which were hilarious.
Gradually, the family drifted off to bed. Doc waited up until midnight to get the next day’s route.
“From here to some wide spot in the road called Garrison in Utah? What the fuck?”
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