...thank you for pressing the button. Now fuck off! The Doclopedia #578 Average Janes: Jane Nix, Hair Stylist “Hi there! How y'all doin' today, hon? A little trim and a few questions? Why sure, I can do that. You just sit on down right here and we'll get to clippin' and jawin'.” “Oh, I've … Continue reading Press Button To Register A Complaint
Author: Doc Cross
I'm Doc. I live in Sacramento, California with my wife, Grace, and two dogs named Yoyo and Duke. I've been blogging for 22 years. I'm a TTRPG gamer, a gardener, dog lover, cook, and unrepentant scalawag. I write things that I think people might enjoy reading, especially if they are roleplayers or just strange. I hope you enjoy reading my stuff.
Sparky McDoogle Was A Nervous Little Guy
...especially around big dogs and blond women The Doclopedia #576 Average Janes: Jane Batters, Cookie Baker “Oh sure, everybody likes cookies! We've been in business here for five years now and things are going real well, you betcha. At first, it was just me and Connie there, making six kinds of cookies. Now we … Continue reading Sparky McDoogle Was A Nervous Little Guy
Chapter 61: In Which Our Hero, Having Lead The Slaves To Freedom, Goes Off In Search Of A Horse And A Pocketful Of Gold
...and maybe a busty wench or two The Doclopedia #575 The Stuff That's Made Of Dreams: Wonder Dust From a lecture given by High Wizard Prelby Smatterkin at the Royal School of Wizardry “Now it is at about this time in the lecture that many of you are thinking that it would be very nice … Continue reading Chapter 61: In Which Our Hero, Having Lead The Slaves To Freedom, Goes Off In Search Of A Horse And A Pocketful Of Gold
Geese For Peace
...they're politically aware waterfowl The Doclopedia #574 The Stuff That's Made Of Dreams: Ship Of Dreams The Ship of Dreams was built in 1467 by the Queen of Brismodia as a way of attacking her hated enemy, the Queen of Florilandia. To allow the ship to sail into the DreamPlace, the wood used to build … Continue reading Geese For Peace
Vile Steampunk Villains Taunted My Hydrangeas
...and made them cry! The Doclopedia #572 The Stuff That's Made Of Dreams: Nightmare Paint Depending upon how it is formulated, nightmare paint can be used to merely make people feel uncomfortable or stricken with terrifying hallucinations that dive them to madness if they don't get beyond the effect. Making nightmare paint is, as … Continue reading Vile Steampunk Villains Taunted My Hydrangeas
Doc Tempest: It’s A Dry Heat
...from the January, 1983 graphic novel issue Hey, lookee here, it's a new Doclopedia theme and the first entry crosses over with my "After The Change Came" fiction pieces! Will wonders never cease? The Doclopedia #571 The Stuff That's Made Of Dreams: Dream Draught On the Changed Earth, the magical substance known as dream draught … Continue reading Doc Tempest: It’s A Dry Heat
Hey, This Isn’t A Cheese Sandwich!
...It's alive! AAARRGGH! The Doclopedia #570 More Islands Of Adventure: Fleevin Island On Saturn's moon, Titan, there is a large island known to the natives as Fleevin Island. In Titanide, “fleevin” means “fast death” and the Koopli Beasts that live only on that island will give that fast death to any Hiibik or Deeloo who … Continue reading Hey, This Isn’t A Cheese Sandwich!
Not In This Issue: Flying Snakes, Nematodes or Radish Stew
...nothing about salamanders, either. The Doclopedia #568 More Islands Of Adventure: The Island Of A Thousand Smokes This island is almost perfectly round and has very steep sides due to it being the top of an old volcano. The crater at the top, measuring almost 5 miles across, is home to a fertile and temperate … Continue reading Not In This Issue: Flying Snakes, Nematodes or Radish Stew
Purple Basset Hounds Eat Mystery Tempest Candy
...today's blog title courtesy of the Random Blog Title-O-Matic The Doclopedia #566 More Islands Of Adventure: Tower Island Up in Puget Sound, there's an island, maybe a quarter mile long and half that wide, that has a 60 foot stone tower poking right up out of the middle of it. Looks kind of like some … Continue reading Purple Basset Hounds Eat Mystery Tempest Candy
The Action Filled, Yet Still Quite Girly, Story Of Mostly Purple Patty And What Happened To Grandma’s Cat.
...co-starring her trained gopher, Archie The Doclopedia #565 More Islands Of Adventure: Sliver Island Located 30 miles from Port Robinson, Sliver Island is the longest island in the Tarkas Sea of Mars. It gets it's name due to the fact that despite being 35 miles long, it is only about 1 mile wide down the … Continue reading The Action Filled, Yet Still Quite Girly, Story Of Mostly Purple Patty And What Happened To Grandma’s Cat.
Placeholder
Placeholder
The Story Of The Happy Little Boy
...he was happy because his dog told him Satan loved him The Doclopedia #564 How To Murder...: A Cartoon Character Well, good luck with that. We here at the FBI have kept records of attempted murders of toons since the Bureau was founded. We have thousands of them on the book and that doesn't include … Continue reading The Story Of The Happy Little Boy
The 10 Things You Should Do Before Riding A Moose
...Number 1: Sober up! The Doclopedia #563 How To Murder...: A Clockwork Woman She was very, popular, Miss Lina Muller, the Clockwork Woman. People all over Europe, would flock to see her and hear her speak. She was declared a Marvel of Science and proof that the human imagination had no limits. Her father, Professor … Continue reading The 10 Things You Should Do Before Riding A Moose
Danger Filled Doughnuts!
...it's a sweet & creamy form of peril The Doclopedia #562 How To Murder...: A Hero If you're thinking that heroes must be damned hard to kill, you're right, buddy. Not that it can't be done, mind you, but it takes a whole lot of prep and planning. As an example, let's take a look … Continue reading Danger Filled Doughnuts!
Bean Planting For The Total Idiot
...First Step: find a bean. The Doclopedia #561 How To Murder...: A Wizard The main problem with trying to do a hit on a Wizard is that they have about a hundred ways to set up a warning system. Magical wards that make noise as you pass them, enchanted barriers that can detect homicidal … Continue reading Bean Planting For The Total Idiot
The Midnight Creeper & The Midnight Rider Meet The Midnight Rambler on the Midnight Special
...do I need to tell you what time it was? The Doclopedia #559 Calling All Frogs: The Terrible Treefrog When you think about it, it's kind of funny that a 4' 10” wiry framed little super villain called The Terrible Treefrog would be one of the most successful villains of all. Many villains were … Continue reading The Midnight Creeper & The Midnight Rider Meet The Midnight Rambler on the Midnight Special
Return Of The Sweet Smelling Bitches
...they be woofin', I be lovin' The Doclopedia #556 Calling All Frogs: Braised Giant Frog With Jeevoo Sauce Naturally, you want a fully mature male Yellow Legged Giant Frog of the Quoo Lake region. The females are, of course, unclean and the Red Legged Giant Frog is fit food only slaves and the Unenlightened. … Continue reading Return Of The Sweet Smelling Bitches
The Rare And Beautiful Blue Stinking Poppies Of Potawango Island
...breathtakingly beautiful, but WHEW! The Doclopedia #555 Calling All Frogs: Sewer Frogs In one of the many steampunk universes, a group of young genius criminals/heroes operate out of the Old Sewers of 1902 Paris. The Old Sewers were abandoned when the new, steam pump driven sewer system went into use. There are miles of … Continue reading The Rare And Beautiful Blue Stinking Poppies Of Potawango Island
Madness Takes It’s Tollhouse Cookie
... Mmmm, madness cookies! The Doclopedia #553 Calling All Frogs: Chameleon Frogs These small (4 inch long) frogs are native to the forests of Simdolis, which are located in the far west of the Greenwood. They are very common to this area, but due to their magical chameleonic powers, seldom seen. Chameleon Frogs cam not … Continue reading Madness Takes It’s Tollhouse Cookie
Mr. Porkwaffle Wrestles A Very Large Lizard
...Lizard: 1, Porkwaffle: 0 The Doclopedia #551 Calling All Frogs: The Great Frog Of Goognor Goognor is a small and mostly swampy kingdom. Those who live there are small and thin by human standards. They live in many simple villages on the islands in the swamps. In general, no other country would give a dragon's … Continue reading Mr. Porkwaffle Wrestles A Very Large Lizard
Lucy Gets A Hamburger!
...because it's her birthday! The Doclopedia #549 The Colors: Brown On June 3rd, 2002, all of the totally brown cows in the world went on a killing rampage against humans and other cattle. They seem to have developed vastly increased intelligence, telepathic powers that allowed them to stun large numbers of their prey at … Continue reading Lucy Gets A Hamburger!
The Astounding Adventures Of Doctor Tempest In The Land Of The Mammoths
... from the February, 1888 issue The Doclopedia #547 The Colors: Grey The Grey Army of Baron Drogarsky made it's first move for domination of Europe in the spring of 1892, using armored troops riding on the massive Steam Powered Walkers and the giant Trackless Locomotives. The latter were particularly horrifying, since they both looked … Continue reading The Astounding Adventures Of Doctor Tempest In The Land Of The Mammoths
The Funky Chickens Go To Hollywood
...where the refused roles in "Battleship" The Doclopedia #545 The Colors: Purple The Purple Woman is one of the most intriguing things in all of paranormal research. The way she can fade into and out of view suggests that she might be a ghost, but her very definitely human physiology suggests that she might … Continue reading The Funky Chickens Go To Hollywood
Never Hand A Monkey To A Drunk
...it'll piss the monkey off Woohoo! New Doclopedia theme! The Doclopedia #542 The Colors: Red Red is the fur color of the male Zertbeast, the apex predator of the great plains on the northern landmass of the planet Torsek 3. These big males weigh about 2,000 pounds and can be up to 15 feet long, … Continue reading Never Hand A Monkey To A Drunk
Duck Jackets
...for the well dressed waterfowl The Doclopedia #540 Those Furry Little Bastards!: Fantasy Version Karak, barbarian swordsman “I'll make this short, scribe, then you will leave me to my ale and foul mood. I am Karak, of the Northern Horde! My people live in a cold, rough and godless land. I slew my first opponent, … Continue reading Duck Jackets
