...a fine brew it is, the aardvark incident notwithstanding. DogCon 5, End Of The Line Well, we're all home now and , it's good to see the old homestead. The bus is parked, the critters are in their proper places, Grace is in bed and I'm about to join her. I hope you all had … Continue reading Mr. Porkwaffle Brews Beer
Author: Doc Cross
I'm Doc. I live in Sacramento, California with my wife, Grace, and two dogs named Yoyo and Duke. I've been blogging for 22 years. I'm a TTRPG gamer, a gardener, dog lover, cook, and unrepentant scalawag. I write things that I think people might enjoy reading, especially if they are roleplayers or just strange. I hope you enjoy reading my stuff.
You Can Tune A Piano, But You Can’t Tune A Matamata Turtle
...you thought I'd say "tuna fish", right? The Doclopedia #730 What's That Sound?: Squeee...squeee...squeee...squeee...KLONK! This is, of course, the sound of one of the new Clockwork Executioners limbering up, then administering the blow that severs head from body. Invented in Bavaria by the possibly mad, but undeniably brilliant, clocksmith Rudolf Gortmann around 1730, these Executioners … Continue reading You Can Tune A Piano, But You Can’t Tune A Matamata Turtle
Sasha: Fearless Guard Dog
...if she's guarding her food. Otherwise, not so much. DogCon 5, Con Day 3 Recap of Friday: I ran another 4 hour TOON game, ably assisted by my Co-Animator, Cody. After that, I jogged over to the “Ask A GM Anything!” seminar. You could see the predatory look in the eyes of the audience as … Continue reading Sasha: Fearless Guard Dog
The Old New Stuff
...with a new old coat of paint Doclopedia entry not available today. Will do 2 or 3 tomorrow. DogCon 5, Con Day 2 Recap of yesterday... Grace: Played 6 different boardgames, bought a few t-shirts & dice and played in the Livestock LARP with Abby & Bea. I'm told that the LARP was … Continue reading The Old New Stuff
Mexican Jenny Stole My Stuffed Fish
...his name was Pete the Perch The Doclopedia #721 Threesomes!: Annie Carver On the Steampunk Earth #7, Annie Carver is a 25 year old inventor, explorer and champion of equal rights for women. She has made a name for herself by discovering all manner of lost places and creating the inventions that help her … Continue reading Mexican Jenny Stole My Stuffed Fish
The Amazing Adventures Of Doctor Tempest And The Master Of Illusion
...from the September, 1897 issue DogCon 5, Trip Day 12, Con Day Zero, Part 1 When we woke up this morning, Data (our autopilot, if you are just tuning in) had us parked at our final roadside destination: A Trip To Hell. No, it's not a recreation of my first marriage, it's a sort … Continue reading The Amazing Adventures Of Doctor Tempest And The Master Of Illusion
The Rare And Beautiful 9 Colored Hovering Blimp Mice Of Potawango Island
...they hover just out of arm's reach, giggling and eating berries The following Doclopedia entries are part of a new theme with three entries that link people, places & things. I hope you like it. The Doclopedia #715 Threesomes!: Falit The Monkey Falit gur Samkali, known to both the criminal underworld and the … Continue reading The Rare And Beautiful 9 Colored Hovering Blimp Mice Of Potawango Island
Don’t Open The Door To The Crazy Shed!
...Damn! Too late. The Doclopedia #713 We Haz MORE Technobabble!: Spacial/Temporal Anomaly Deflection Beam If you have ever watched any television science fiction series, you know that space is littered with these annoying anomalies. If your starship even gets too close to one, you're screwed. But fear not, brave spacefarer, because with this handy beam … Continue reading Don’t Open The Door To The Crazy Shed!
Pinball Lizard
...creepy looking, but he can sure play The Doclopedia #711 We Haz MORE Technobabble!: Electronic Phase Warping Missile It's a missile that can phase right through armor...or buildings...or anything...then explode! Is that cool or what? I mean, you can shoot this bad boy right through a freakin' mountain and it's all “Hello, terrorist douchebags! … Continue reading Pinball Lizard
Wombat Ranching Quarterly
...all the latest news for you wombat ranchers The Doclopedia #709 We Haz MORE Technobabble!: Hypersonic Mental Neutralizer So, let's say most of the humans in your town/city/state/continent/planet go completely bugfuck insane one day. Could be any reason for it, but what can you do to stop these now crazed folks from fucking everything … Continue reading Wombat Ranching Quarterly
R.I.P. Mom
...June 1, 1928 - August 10, 2012 My mother, Geraldine Blades, passed away today after a long illness. I left this day's page blank because I knew I would come back and do it when I was ready. Now, 2.5 days later, I'm ready. Someday I'll write a long piece about Mom, but for now … Continue reading R.I.P. Mom
Chapter 204: In Which Our Hero, Traveling Under Cover Of Darkness And Fog, Seduces The French Queen And Then Steals Her Pig
...later, he and the pig shared some excellent wine The Doclopedia #703 Mixing Magical Potions: Potion Of Polymorphing + Potion Of Animal Control The mixing of these two potions will have very different effects depending upon the race/species of the consumer. Humans: You will be able to control small mammals for up to an … Continue reading Chapter 204: In Which Our Hero, Traveling Under Cover Of Darkness And Fog, Seduces The French Queen And Then Steals Her Pig
Doc Tempest And The Eyes Of Lucifer
... from the Jan. 1966 issue The Doclopedia #700 Mixing Magical Potions: Potion Of Shadowy Form + Potion Of Speed It is an unfortunate fact that if these two potions are consumed within 4 hours of each other, the consumer will be teleported to the ninth level of Hell for a period of not … Continue reading Doc Tempest And The Eyes Of Lucifer
The Incredible Turtle-Man Meets The Evil Supergrannies!
...the battle YOU requested! By Lee & Kirby! The Doclopedia #695 Mixing Magical Potions: Potion Of Strength + Potion Of Ghostly Form If you drink these two potions within an hour of each other, you may experience one or more of the following side effects in addition to the two potions canceling each other … Continue reading The Incredible Turtle-Man Meets The Evil Supergrannies!
All New Old Time Stuff From The Future
...What? The Doclopedia #694 What's In A Name?: The Artomic Bomb This bomb was placed in front of the New York Stock Exchange on June 1, 2015. It was the size of an SUV, looked very complex and was counting down to detonation in less than 2 hours. Everybody panicked and there was chaos … Continue reading All New Old Time Stuff From The Future
Not In This Issue: Bluebirds, Happiness and Vodka Martinis
...shaken, not stirred. The vodka martinis, not the bluebirds. DogCon 5, Trip Day 3 Our only stop for roadside weirdness today was the Miniature Farm, which is a full sized farm with miniature versions of normal farm animals. Bantam chickens, call ducks, dwarf rabbits, mini cattle, pygmy goats, mini burros & horses...Flash and our goats … Continue reading Not In This Issue: Bluebirds, Happiness and Vodka Martinis
Solid Steel Galactic Avengers!
...every Saturday on this station, kids! The Doclopedia #692 What's In A Name?: Poison Cola It turns out that the name of this product was 100% accurate. It was a canned/bottled soda with the words “Poison Cola”, “100% Deadly”, “Do Not Drink This!” and many other warnings prominently displayed on the container. The ingredients … Continue reading Solid Steel Galactic Avengers!
Salamander Salad
...relax, it's FOR salamanders DogCon 5, Trip Day 2, Part 1 We are all awake and chowing down on breakfast here inside the bus. Zach and I got up early to do the cooking and we have everything from bacon & eggs to bagels & lox to hot & cold cereals laid out. Since … Continue reading Salamander Salad
Squid On The Run
...what does a squid run from? The Doclopedia #688 What's In A Name?: Cockroach-Man Cockroach-Man was the unfortunate name choice of a quite powerful superhero who was nigh impossible to kill, could eat anything, was fast as hell and generally creeped everybody out. When a worldwide nuclear war wiped out the rest of humanity, he … Continue reading Squid On The Run
Dr. Silkmelon Measures A Carnotaurus
...a damned tricky process, that! DogCon 5, Trip Day 1, Part 1 Only Sasha and I are awake, and then only long enough for her to pee outside and me to tell our autopilot, Data (who can now drive above the speed limit if he needs to), to drive the bus to San Diego. … Continue reading Dr. Silkmelon Measures A Carnotaurus
The Story Of The Old Man And The Talking Tree
...no one believed him, so he got "sent away". The Doclopedia #682 Alt. Olympic Events: Gymnastic Gardening One of the most graceful and informative events in the Olympics, Gymnastic Gardening went totally organic in 1996. Since then, the British and the Americans have won equal numbers of medals, with America holding the most gold. … Continue reading The Story Of The Old Man And The Talking Tree
The Funky Chickens Go Looking For Trouble
...down in Ducktown DogCon 5 This year, our fictional con trip report is dedicated to Winker (2004-2012), who was with us in person as we took the previous four trips and will be with us in spirit as we take this one. We all miss you, Winky. DogCon 5, Trip Day 0 (Notes: As always, … Continue reading The Funky Chickens Go Looking For Trouble
Degenerate Shopkeepers Demoralized My Walking Catfish
...now they don't walk. They just lay around and mope. The Doclopedia #680 Alt. Olympic Events: Zombie Triathlon This popular, but deadly dangerous, event is always a television ratings grabber. The premise is simple: 12 individual competitors from 12 nations collect ten of their countries flags randomly placed in a 1 square kilometer area … Continue reading Degenerate Shopkeepers Demoralized My Walking Catfish
The Really Quite Spooky, Yet Also Very Funny, Story Of Mostly Purple Patty And The Night Of The Living Food
...co-starring her pet water buffalo, Cathy The Doclopedia #677 Alt. Olympic Events: 500 Meter Dog Poop Dodge This sport has been around since the late 19th Century, when dogs became popular as nonworking pets. It seems to have developed in most major American and European cities, then over the decades spread to other parts … Continue reading The Really Quite Spooky, Yet Also Very Funny, Story Of Mostly Purple Patty And The Night Of The Living Food
Extra! Extra! Man Bites Cat! Dog Laughs!
...man & dog both in critical condition The Doclopedia #675 Two Characters In Search Of An Adventure: Posey Dogrider & Lifkin Maker By the standards of the Tiny Folk of Mitchell, South Dakota, Posey Dogrider and Lifkin Maker are crazy. Instead of settling down to a nice life living off the discarded items of … Continue reading Extra! Extra! Man Bites Cat! Dog Laughs!
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