...scared us silly The Doclopedia #3,400 Little Monsters: Smolves Name: Smolves Size: Small, 18-26 inches Environment: Temperate to sub-tropical areas Notes: The resemble tiny wolves, but are much smarter...and cursed Looking exactly like a housecat sized black wolf, smolves are not pack hunters, nor are they strictly carnivores. They are also rather shy and tend … Continue reading A Huge Ugly Face On a Rock
Rock & Roll Wizards
...and their wands of headbanging The Doclopedia #3,399 Little Monsters: Land Piranhas Name: Land Piranhas Size: Small, 6-10 inches Environment: Tropical/sub-tropical woodlands and fields Notes: They can digest almost all flesh and bones. Although they are uncommon even in their native lands, land piranhas are still very dangerous and should be avoided at all costs. … Continue reading Rock & Roll Wizards
The Cupcake Elves Come Home
...from wherever The Doclopedia #3,398 Little Monsters: Firesnatchers Name: Firesnatchers Size: Small, 6 inches Environment: Anyplace that gets really cold Notes: Totally fireproof These small creatures look like dirty grey guinea pigs that walk upright. They are found in very high mountains, glacial areas and arctic/sub-arctic areas. They live in family groups of up to … Continue reading The Cupcake Elves Come Home
Chapter Two: In Which Young Tom Learns That Geese Cannot Be Trusted
...damn them! The Doclopedia #3,397 Odd Jewelry: The Moving Earrings Our final piece of the evening is Lot 9, the Moving Earrings. Crafted with gold wire and featuring three pearls of descending size that dangle a full inch below the earlobe. A fairly ordinary piece, until you realize that the pearls never stop moving in … Continue reading Chapter Two: In Which Young Tom Learns That Geese Cannot Be Trusted
Red Metal Baby Toy On Fire
...but not melting The Doclopedia #3,396 Odd Jewelry: The Damp Brooch This stunning brooch, Lot 10 in your program, is definitely the oddest and most incredible item of the evening, because it actually confers a supernatural power once every 24 hours. As you can see, the Damp Brooch is indeed damp, as though dipped into … Continue reading Red Metal Baby Toy On Fire
That House That Looks At You
...don't go there The Doclopedia #3,395 Odd Jewelry: The Cold Tiara This is Lot 4 and it is something of a companion piece to Lot 14, the Warm Necklace. It is known as the Cold Tiara, and it is indeed cool to the touch, never rising above 47 degrees Fahrenheit even on the hottest summer … Continue reading That House That Looks At You
Snacks For Weary Dogs And Dads
...chips and guac The Doclopedia #3,394 Odd Jewelry: The Blue Bracelet Lot 11 is an interesting piece. Carbon dating puts the age at about 18,000 years old, and it certainly looks primitive, yet nobody has a clue as to what the blue metal it is made from actually is. Some tests identify it as some … Continue reading Snacks For Weary Dogs And Dads
Grace Buys A New Wand
...a really snazzy one The Doclopedia #3,393 Odd Jewelry: The Warm Necklace Now we come to Lot 14, which could not look more ordinary, yet is in fact most extraordinary. Looking at it, one sees an ordinary silver necklace composed of three interwoven strands of fine links. The clasp is quite simple. Truly nothing unique … Continue reading Grace Buys A New Wand
Fingers And Toes On A Plate
...EWWW! The Doclopedia #3,392 Odd Jewelry: The Yellow Eyed Amulet Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Price & Karloff Auction House. Tonight we will be taking bids on some extremely rare and unusual jewelry that until recently was in the possession of Professor Zane, leader of the unfortunate expedition into the ruins of Barzhkala. We … Continue reading Fingers And Toes On A Plate
Oiling Up The Sex Droids
...gotta have that lube The Doclopedia #3,391 Zombies 101: Giant Zombies Yes, my Queen, we saw them with our own eyes. Up near the town of Triple Falls it was. The hill giants, 16 footers, was sleeping when a dozen zombies silently came out of the woods and attacked them. Yes, Your Highness, the giants … Continue reading Oiling Up The Sex Droids
More Songs About String And Waffles
...blueberry waffles The Doclopedia #3,390 Zombies 101: Werezombies What happens when a zombie infects a werewolf in human form? This sort of shit happens! You get a fuckin' undead werewolf that's way harder to kill than a normal one,but it's also faster, stronger and more vicious than any zombie. The good thing about 'em is … Continue reading More Songs About String And Waffles
The Bigger Than Life, But Still Cozy, Story Of Mostly Purple Patty And The Crazy Hot Dog Machine
...co-starring her older sister, Partly Puce Paloma The Doclopedia #3,389 Zombies 101: Fast/Smart Zombies These motherfuckers are the ones to watch out for. They can run and think. If they get the slightest edge on you, you're fucked. These are the type that took out those 30 Marines over in Collinsville last year. Christ, they've … Continue reading The Bigger Than Life, But Still Cozy, Story Of Mostly Purple Patty And The Crazy Hot Dog Machine
A Quick Check In On Murgy
...he was okay The Doclopedia #3,388 Zombies 101: Slow/Smart Zombies Now, these deadoids are just as slow and stumbling as the regular ones. If you run at a decent trot, they'll never catch you. The problem is that they're smart enough to think ahead and figure out ways to make up for being slow. I … Continue reading A Quick Check In On Murgy
Fish Juice
...popular with otters The Doclopedia #3,387 Zombies 101: Fast/Dumb Zombies If these zombies get the drop on you, you're screwed. But them getting the drop on you means they get really lucky, because speedy or not, they're dumb as hell. They just come running straight at you without dodging or anything. You still need to … Continue reading Fish Juice
Queen Drakka Of Ruzulia
...a very bad queen The Doclopedia #3,385 Assorted Lists: My Kaiju List King Klong...saw him in New York just as I came out of a deli. Dropped my bagel. Dogzilla...ran in terror from him in Osaka, and barely escaped. Chickenza...watched her attack Seoul from about 15 miles away. Should have been 20 miles away. Frogorah...ravaged … Continue reading Queen Drakka Of Ruzulia
Hot Potato In The Bed
...very hot The Doclopedia #3,384 Assorted Lists: Spells I Need To Learn 1: Amzolo's Exploding Kneecap 2: Protection Against Parasites 3: Delayed Blast Shitball 4: Flovin's Exit Locator 5: Rain Of Glue 6: Quick Clothing Rot 7: Convert Dirt To Cheese 8: Heal Social Disease 9: Miffin's Unbearable Itch 10: Mist Of Bard Silencing Support … Continue reading Hot Potato In The Bed
Uses For Gelatin!
...you won't believe #3! The Doclopedia #3,383 Assorted Lists: Useful Paladoxian Sayings 1: Where is the restroom? Ruk qulak sepsep? 2: I would like to buy food. Obok fetun wex plizzpok. 3: What time is it? Gopo tumek la? 4: How much for a quickie? Huxx ca engex liik? 5: Make it a double. Suwek … Continue reading Uses For Gelatin!
Dogs That Know Things
...goofy things The Doclopedia #3,382 Assorted Lists: Criminal Mastermind's To Do List 1: Find a secret lair. Rent? Lease? Buy? Don't surpass budget! 2: Hire new minions & thugs. Try to get a group rate. 3: Get scientists for the lab. Hire? Kidnap? Brainwash? Do a cost/benefit analysis. 4: Start planning first campaign of terror. … Continue reading Dogs That Know Things
Mrs Wangdoodle Tries The Fish
...and found it delish The Doclopedia #3,381 Assorted Lists: List Of Things I've Stolen 1: $300.00 from that dummy at the concert, because he was selling shitty weed. 2: That bigass diamond from the rich dame's house. 3: The $500,000.00 that Fred took the rap for because he missed prison. 4: Family bag of tacos … Continue reading Mrs Wangdoodle Tries The Fish
Who Knew There Were Toast Pixies?
...not me The Doclopedia #3,380 Assorted Lists: Guys I've Dated 1: Leo the mama's boy. Rating: 3/10 Could not stop talking about her. 2: Charlie the trucker. Rating: 6/10 Good in the sack. 3: Lance the self obsessed actor. Rating: 4/10 Gave him a point for being rich. 4: Tom the gaming geek. Rating: 8/10 … Continue reading Who Knew There Were Toast Pixies?
How To Train Your Wildebeest
...where the hell did you get a wildebeest? The Doclopedia #3,379 Stuff In My Pockets: A Seed Packet It's a packet of NuMex Big Jim chiles, a variety of the New Mexico chile. They grow nice and big and love our hot summers. They are perfect for chile rellenos, which love, so I'll be freezing … Continue reading How To Train Your Wildebeest
The Truth About Wearing Armor
...not advisable if you have IBS The Doclopedia #3,378 Stuff In My Pockets: Shoestrings I found these six tie dyed beauties in a box when I was moving things around in the game room. I don't remember buying them, but that could have been 20 years ago. Anyway, they'll look cool on my new sneakers … Continue reading The Truth About Wearing Armor
Butch Actually Wasn’t
...but he thought he was The Doclopedia #3,377 Stuff In My Pockets: Doggie Poop Bag I have two dogs, so most of my pockets have one or two of these in them. Of course, you can use them for other purposes. I once sold one to an alien who gave me $23.00 for it. I … Continue reading Butch Actually Wasn’t
Who The Hell Creates A Booger Golem?
...or even thinks of one The Doclopedia #3,376 Stuff In My Pockets: Five Nails These were left over after I built a soil sifter a couple of weeks ago. One of them is bent because a neighbor dropped a big bag recycle stuff just as I went to pound the nail. I'll toss that one … Continue reading Who The Hell Creates A Booger Golem?
Yoyo & Duke Go Camping
...at the Honolulu Hilton The Doclopedia #3,375 Stuff In My Pockets: Gym Socks My socks got wet on a walk, soI took them off put them in a doggy poop bag and stuck it in my pocket. Of course, that was three days ago so I'd better wash them and dry them because I'm nearly … Continue reading Yoyo & Duke Go Camping
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