...taste like home The Doclopedia #2,697 Big Mistakes: Making The Wrong Joke Look, you young guys listen to me, because you'll be in a similar position someday. Listen, and you can avoid a black eye, a lump on your head, and having to sleep outside in your car all night.Remember these words: When a woman … Continue reading Pancakes In My Luggage
Buy This Book!
...no actual book for sale The Doclopedia #2,696 Big Mistakes: Turning Your Back On Your Lunch “Dudes! It was SO GREAT! There I am, in the living room, just licking my butt, as one does, when Dad walks in with a big plate full of food. I'm talking one of those 12 inch roast beef … Continue reading Buy This Book!
Little Demons Scared My Kobold
...he's still shaking The Doclopedia #2,695 Big Mistakes: Improperly Labeling Potions “It was my fault, yes indeed. I never should have let that idiot apprentice of mine label the potions. Going into a castle overrun by goblins and orcs is never easy, but it gets a hell of a lot more difficult when your swordsman … Continue reading Little Demons Scared My Kobold
Mr. Porkwaffle Meets A Moose
...it did not end well The Doclopedia #2,694 Big Mistakes: Poking The Bear With A Stick That is exactly what happened on April 3rd, 1982. JimBob Newland and his cousin, Rayford Mullins, were pretty well oiled after a night of drinking, which is why they decided to walk back to JimBob's place by using Foresthill … Continue reading Mr. Porkwaffle Meets A Moose
The Baby Duck Newsletter
...SO cute The Doclopedia #2,693 Big Mistakes: Trusting Becky With The Diamonds Denny, Burt, and Joey were small time thieves in a very large West Coast city. One night, while burglarizing an older home in an older suburb, they found a small pickle jar full of uncut diamonds. Denny, by far the smartest of the … Continue reading The Baby Duck Newsletter
You Should Stop Here
...for a rest and a drink The Doclopedia #2,692 The Eyes Have It: Bug Eyed Tommy FBI File #4421-66-B Name: Thomas Luigi MortellaAliases: Tommy Morton, T.L. MadisonDescription: Average height, 165 pounds, black hair, brown eyes. Left handed. Multiple scars listed on reverse. Pronounced eye bulge due to illness as a child. Walks with a slight … Continue reading You Should Stop Here
That Time I Let A Dog Drive Me Home
...I was too drunk to drive The Doclopedia #2,691 The Eyes Have It: The Five Eyed Giant “There it is, gentlemen, the Five Eyed Giant of Ranjipur. 100 feet tall, solid stone superbly carved, and sporting those five huge gems as eyes. Diamond, ruby, sapphire, emerald, and another, bright yellow, diamond. Gems that we shall … Continue reading That Time I Let A Dog Drive Me Home
Wino Ballet
...pretty good, actually The Doclopedia #2,690 The Eyes Have It: Laser Eyes Laser eyes are expensive, yo. Dirty Gus got one as a third eye and it cost him 200,000 green. Shit, bro, he coulda got an Electro Z for less than that! Chicks see a laser eye and they don't GAF, cos you be … Continue reading Wino Ballet
Not As Much Fun As Sex
...or ice cream The Doclopedia #2,689 The Eyes Have It: The Eye Beast Of Grixx If you are an adventurer on FantasyEarth 753-D, you've heard of the Eye Beast of Grixx. You know that legend and even a few surviving eye witnesses tell how the Triad of Evil used their dying words to create an … Continue reading Not As Much Fun As Sex
Duke & Yoyo Go Looking For Trouble
...spoiler: they find it The Doclopedia #2,688 Bad Cats: Andy Breed: Russian BlueOffenses: This 3 year old boy has the uncanny ability to get in the way of humans, dogs, other cats, even livestock. He has tripped dozens of humans. He will lie upon, and hide, remote controls. Cupboard access? He blocks it. Use a … Continue reading Duke & Yoyo Go Looking For Trouble
A Short, Sharp, Shark
...he'll bite you The Doclopedia #2,687 Bad Cats: Farty Breed: American ShorthairOffenses: The farts, Lord Jesus on the Cross, the farts! When he walks into a room, animals and humans alike are gripped in terror. He may actually fall under the definition of committing crimes against humanity.
Halfling Antics
...those loveable scamps The Doclopedia #2,686 Bad Cats: Queen Cleo Breed: Maine CoonOffenses: This 5 year old giantess has assaulted 3 other cats, two dogs (both German Shepherds), several stuffed toys, cats on the television, 3 computer keyboards, numerous human feet, and her human brother's Warhammer minis army.
Doc Tempest VS The Moonbeast
...from the June 1967 issue The Doclopedia #2,685 Bad Cats: Melvin Breed: SiameseOffenses: He has stolen roughly 144 socks, 27 pairs of women's panties, 3 jockstraps, 4 ties, and at least 3 t-shirts. In addition, he regularly goes berserk at night and tears through the house knocking things over.
The Rare And Beautiful Orange Pygmy Skunk Of Potawango Island
...very cute, but stinky The Doclopedia #2,684 Bad Cats: SqueakyBreed: Orange TabbyOffenses: Though small for her breed, this kitty is a terror in the kitchen. She has committed the following crimes.Stole and ate an entire stuffed and roasted Cornish game hen.Knocked over 39 glasses of various beverages in the space of 16 monthsPlayed with and … Continue reading The Rare And Beautiful Orange Pygmy Skunk Of Potawango Island
Rude Breadsticks
...I'll never eat there again The Doclopedia #2,683 The Day I Finally...: Opened That Wooden Box In The Attic Idea courtesy of koboldcurrychef on Bluesky It was a fairly small wooden box, maybe a 16 inch cube. It look like it was made out of mahogany or something. Had really nice brass fixtures and a … Continue reading Rude Breadsticks
The Scary, But Also Funny, Story Of Mostly Purple Patty And The Attack Of The Snot Creatures
...Co-starring her older brother, Almost Red Ed The Doclopedia #2,682 The Day I Finally...: Started Breeding Komodo Dragons Idea courtesy of David Bolack on Facebook You know, I figured the exotic pet market was ripe for something really exotic, so I bought two male and four female komodo dragons off a guy I know. They … Continue reading The Scary, But Also Funny, Story Of Mostly Purple Patty And The Attack Of The Snot Creatures
Jazz Glands
...or whatever The Doclopedia #2,681 The Day I Finally...: Finally Passed My Driver's License Test Idea courtesy of Mary Garrett on Facebook It took me 5 attempts to pass my driver's license test. I live in a small town, so there was only one person to go with me on the driving portion. His name … Continue reading Jazz Glands
Hot Snakes On Your Plate!
...hot & spicy The Doclopedia #2,680 The Day I Finally...: Discovered The Horrible Truth About Poptarts Idea courtesy of Gabriel Gentile on Facebook Pour me another double, Al. Yeah, it's early, but I need to get blotto. If you'd seen what I have, you'd be drinkin' hard, too.You ever notice how the folks working at … Continue reading Hot Snakes On Your Plate!
Spoons That Play Themselves
...they're pretty good The Doclopedia #2,679 The Day I Finally...: Spoke MartianIdea courtesy of Ginie Murphy on Facebook I've always picked up languages pretty fast. I mean, sometimes, eerily fast. A friend of mine suggested that it might be a psychic ability, and after what happened today, I believe it!See, I was out hiking through … Continue reading Spoons That Play Themselves
Not In This Issue: Soup, Goop, Poop, or Asparagus
...not a bit! The Doclopedia #2,678 Famous Film Monsters 2.0: The Mummy The story of a mummy rising from his tomb and killing people has a much different ending than in our world, and it's shorter. On Earth 26-Y, Imhotep did indeed rise up, kill a British explorer and his Egyptian assistant. Then he left … Continue reading Not In This Issue: Soup, Goop, Poop, or Asparagus
Hit With A Wicked Stick
...ouch! The Doclopedia #2,677 Famous Film Monsters 2.0: The Phantom Of The Opera This version of the Phantom really IS a phantom. He died in the Paris Opera House in 1887, after a fight with a rival composer. His body was dumped in the river and recovered a week later, but his spirit still haunts … Continue reading Hit With A Wicked Stick
He Was Flamboozled!
...totally The Doclopedia #2,676 Famous Film Monsters 2.0: Werewolves Of London On Earth 14-Z, these annoying twits are found throughout London's upper class. Most of them are about as dull as dishwater, half-witted, and not very good looking. In their wolfman form, most look more like scrawny coyotes. But oh my, they THINK they are … Continue reading He Was Flamboozled!
Spud Boy Deluxe
...aka Big Spuddy The Doclopedia #2,675 Famous Film Monsters 2.0: Dracula Dracula is quite different on Earth 22-C. First off, he's gay, so only the blood of men will feed him. Secondly, despite being 700 years old, he's not very smart or worldly. Finally, he's vulnerable to not only the standard vampire weaknesses, he can … Continue reading Spud Boy Deluxe
Sweet Robots Who Dance
...ballroom dancing The Doclopedia #2,674 Famous Film Monsters 2.0: Frankenstein On Earth 10-A, the novel “Frankenstein” was more popular upon release than it ever was here. It also caused people to feel great sympathy for the monster, and hatred for Dr. Frankenstein.So it is that since the first silent movie, starring Charles Ogle as the … Continue reading Sweet Robots Who Dance
Yoyo Skateboards Down Olympus Mons
...and then his mother finds out The Doclopedia #2,673 More Annotated Entries: Tiny Folk: Darini Ratslayer When you’re only 6 inches tall, lots of creatures want to kill you and eat you. Snakes, cats, dogs, rats, spiders, weasels…the list is long. That’s why Darini and her Predator Scouts are there to kill or drive away … Continue reading Yoyo Skateboards Down Olympus Mons
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