...pretty good, actually The Doclopedia #2,690 The Eyes Have It: Laser Eyes Laser eyes are expensive, yo. Dirty Gus got one as a third eye and it cost him 200,000 green. Shit, bro, he coulda got an Electro Z for less than that! Chicks see a laser eye and they don't GAF, cos you be … Continue reading Wino Ballet
Author: Doc Cross
I'm Doc. I live in Sacramento, California with my wife, Grace, and two dogs named Yoyo and Duke. I've been blogging for 22 years. I'm a TTRPG gamer, a gardener, dog lover, cook, and unrepentant scalawag. I write things that I think people might enjoy reading, especially if they are roleplayers or just strange. I hope you enjoy reading my stuff.
Not As Much Fun As Sex
...or ice cream The Doclopedia #2,689 The Eyes Have It: The Eye Beast Of Grixx If you are an adventurer on FantasyEarth 753-D, you've heard of the Eye Beast of Grixx. You know that legend and even a few surviving eye witnesses tell how the Triad of Evil used their dying words to create an … Continue reading Not As Much Fun As Sex
Duke & Yoyo Go Looking For Trouble
...spoiler: they find it The Doclopedia #2,688 Bad Cats: Andy Breed: Russian BlueOffenses: This 3 year old boy has the uncanny ability to get in the way of humans, dogs, other cats, even livestock. He has tripped dozens of humans. He will lie upon, and hide, remote controls. Cupboard access? He blocks it. Use a … Continue reading Duke & Yoyo Go Looking For Trouble
A Short, Sharp, Shark
...he'll bite you The Doclopedia #2,687 Bad Cats: Farty Breed: American ShorthairOffenses: The farts, Lord Jesus on the Cross, the farts! When he walks into a room, animals and humans alike are gripped in terror. He may actually fall under the definition of committing crimes against humanity.
Halfling Antics
...those loveable scamps The Doclopedia #2,686 Bad Cats: Queen Cleo Breed: Maine CoonOffenses: This 5 year old giantess has assaulted 3 other cats, two dogs (both German Shepherds), several stuffed toys, cats on the television, 3 computer keyboards, numerous human feet, and her human brother's Warhammer minis army.
Doc Tempest VS The Moonbeast
...from the June 1967 issue The Doclopedia #2,685 Bad Cats: Melvin Breed: SiameseOffenses: He has stolen roughly 144 socks, 27 pairs of women's panties, 3 jockstraps, 4 ties, and at least 3 t-shirts. In addition, he regularly goes berserk at night and tears through the house knocking things over.
The Rare And Beautiful Orange Pygmy Skunk Of Potawango Island
...very cute, but stinky The Doclopedia #2,684 Bad Cats: SqueakyBreed: Orange TabbyOffenses: Though small for her breed, this kitty is a terror in the kitchen. She has committed the following crimes.Stole and ate an entire stuffed and roasted Cornish game hen.Knocked over 39 glasses of various beverages in the space of 16 monthsPlayed with and … Continue reading The Rare And Beautiful Orange Pygmy Skunk Of Potawango Island
Rude Breadsticks
...I'll never eat there again The Doclopedia #2,683 The Day I Finally...: Opened That Wooden Box In The Attic Idea courtesy of koboldcurrychef on Bluesky It was a fairly small wooden box, maybe a 16 inch cube. It look like it was made out of mahogany or something. Had really nice brass fixtures and a … Continue reading Rude Breadsticks
The Scary, But Also Funny, Story Of Mostly Purple Patty And The Attack Of The Snot Creatures
...Co-starring her older brother, Almost Red Ed The Doclopedia #2,682 The Day I Finally...: Started Breeding Komodo Dragons Idea courtesy of David Bolack on Facebook You know, I figured the exotic pet market was ripe for something really exotic, so I bought two male and four female komodo dragons off a guy I know. They … Continue reading The Scary, But Also Funny, Story Of Mostly Purple Patty And The Attack Of The Snot Creatures
Jazz Glands
...or whatever The Doclopedia #2,681 The Day I Finally...: Finally Passed My Driver's License Test Idea courtesy of Mary Garrett on Facebook It took me 5 attempts to pass my driver's license test. I live in a small town, so there was only one person to go with me on the driving portion. His name … Continue reading Jazz Glands
Hot Snakes On Your Plate!
...hot & spicy The Doclopedia #2,680 The Day I Finally...: Discovered The Horrible Truth About Poptarts Idea courtesy of Gabriel Gentile on Facebook Pour me another double, Al. Yeah, it's early, but I need to get blotto. If you'd seen what I have, you'd be drinkin' hard, too.You ever notice how the folks working at … Continue reading Hot Snakes On Your Plate!
Spoons That Play Themselves
...they're pretty good The Doclopedia #2,679 The Day I Finally...: Spoke MartianIdea courtesy of Ginie Murphy on Facebook I've always picked up languages pretty fast. I mean, sometimes, eerily fast. A friend of mine suggested that it might be a psychic ability, and after what happened today, I believe it!See, I was out hiking through … Continue reading Spoons That Play Themselves
Not In This Issue: Soup, Goop, Poop, or Asparagus
...not a bit! The Doclopedia #2,678 Famous Film Monsters 2.0: The Mummy The story of a mummy rising from his tomb and killing people has a much different ending than in our world, and it's shorter. On Earth 26-Y, Imhotep did indeed rise up, kill a British explorer and his Egyptian assistant. Then he left … Continue reading Not In This Issue: Soup, Goop, Poop, or Asparagus
Hit With A Wicked Stick
...ouch! The Doclopedia #2,677 Famous Film Monsters 2.0: The Phantom Of The Opera This version of the Phantom really IS a phantom. He died in the Paris Opera House in 1887, after a fight with a rival composer. His body was dumped in the river and recovered a week later, but his spirit still haunts … Continue reading Hit With A Wicked Stick
He Was Flamboozled!
...totally The Doclopedia #2,676 Famous Film Monsters 2.0: Werewolves Of London On Earth 14-Z, these annoying twits are found throughout London's upper class. Most of them are about as dull as dishwater, half-witted, and not very good looking. In their wolfman form, most look more like scrawny coyotes. But oh my, they THINK they are … Continue reading He Was Flamboozled!
Spud Boy Deluxe
...aka Big Spuddy The Doclopedia #2,675 Famous Film Monsters 2.0: Dracula Dracula is quite different on Earth 22-C. First off, he's gay, so only the blood of men will feed him. Secondly, despite being 700 years old, he's not very smart or worldly. Finally, he's vulnerable to not only the standard vampire weaknesses, he can … Continue reading Spud Boy Deluxe
Sweet Robots Who Dance
...ballroom dancing The Doclopedia #2,674 Famous Film Monsters 2.0: Frankenstein On Earth 10-A, the novel “Frankenstein” was more popular upon release than it ever was here. It also caused people to feel great sympathy for the monster, and hatred for Dr. Frankenstein.So it is that since the first silent movie, starring Charles Ogle as the … Continue reading Sweet Robots Who Dance
Yoyo Skateboards Down Olympus Mons
...and then his mother finds out The Doclopedia #2,673 More Annotated Entries: Tiny Folk: Darini Ratslayer When you’re only 6 inches tall, lots of creatures want to kill you and eat you. Snakes, cats, dogs, rats, spiders, weasels…the list is long. That’s why Darini and her Predator Scouts are there to kill or drive away … Continue reading Yoyo Skateboards Down Olympus Mons
Spoon Fight!
...tablespoons only The Doclopedia #2,672 More Annotated Entries: By The Numbers: 47…is how many hours it takes to roast a whole Yurb. (Yurbs are much like really large, really dumb cattle.) Mind you, that’s a young Yurb, weighing no more than 2,500 pounds and cooked in a Luzuku style oven. (These ovens are the size … Continue reading Spoon Fight!
It’s All Fun & Games Until You Lose Alice In The Steam Tunnels
...she came out a week later The Doclopedia #2,671More Annotated Entries: Islands Of The Circle Sea: The Mox Islands Four islands make up this group and all of them are dormant volcanoes. (This changed 6 years ago when Mox Gantu erupted for 11 days. The lava flow was moderate and pretty much ran through old … Continue reading It’s All Fun & Games Until You Lose Alice In The Steam Tunnels
Spin, Doctor!
...counterclockwise, please The Doclopedia #2,670 More Annotated Entries: What’s That Sound?BANGbang! BONGbong! Bangbangbang! Bongbongbong! If there is any sound more annoying than Bonger Dwarves having a battle with Banger Dwarves, we don’t know what it is. (Bonger Dwarves or Banger Dwarves having sex may be worse.)These two tribes of ugly little people divided up centuries … Continue reading Spin, Doctor!
Bucky & Squint Get Real Jobs
...and are soon fired The Doclopedia #2,669 More Annotated Entries: Warning Labels: Do It Yourself Monster Kit WARNING: Failure to read the following could result in death, destruction, madness and the end of civilization as we know it. (A government inquiry found that fully 52% of purchasers ignored these warnings.) 1: Your Do It Yourself … Continue reading Bucky & Squint Get Real Jobs
Blue Widgets
...much better than the yellow ones The Doclopedia #2,668 More Annotated Entries: Don’t Touch That Strange Thing! Aw, c’mon, Jimmy, don’t mess with that. (The young man asking this was 12 year old Howie Fernstadt, a fairly cautious and level headed fellow, as 12 year old boys go) It looks really strange and it could … Continue reading Blue Widgets
We Are All Out Of Fish Today
...maybe try the clams The Doclopedia #2,667 More Annotated Entries: Agent Roscoe, FBI Paranormal InvestigatorRoscoe is a medium sized mutant Basset Hound/Beagle mix, 7 years old, 50 pounds, reddish brown & white coat, brown eyes, long ears and his right one has a small bullet hole in it. (Roscoe died of old age at 16.5 … Continue reading We Are All Out Of Fish Today
The Less Podcasty, More Bloggy, Story Of Mostly Purple Patty And The Big Announcement
Co-starring her pet lizard, JeromeNOTE: If you saw this title pop up on September first, it was a mistake. THE DOCLOPEDIA IS BACK! The Doclopedia #2,666 More Annotated Entries: Maryellen Baxter, Mystical Craftsperson Maryellen is a native San Franciscan who lives with her husband, David, and their three children in a large Victorian home in … Continue reading The Less Podcasty, More Bloggy, Story Of Mostly Purple Patty And The Big Announcement
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